Penny Romance
by let's point out the obvious
Summary: "Tavros, I am going to school you on a game that is probably the most fun you could ever have with a book and a good bro."  Established Dave/Tavros, silliness, teasing, and fluff.


So a confession. I'm in love with a particular fic, and that fic is called The Irony of Bubblemates, by yaoi rox my sox. It's responsible for much of my headcanon regarding Dave and Tavros, and reading quite a lot of it all at once inspired me to write some established relationship, dream bubble style Dave/Tavros myself. So here, have some.

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><p>"Tavros, I am going to school you on a game that is probably the most fun you could ever have with a book and a good bro."<p>

On an exploratory mission to the basement laundry area earlier that day, Dave's chance finding of a dog earred romance novel retained by his dream bubble's near-spooky memory copying abilities had immediately announced itself as a gem of an opportunity. Sometimes the things that popped up in the bubble, things apparently drawn from his own memory, caught him by surprise. A nail sticking out of the doorway he'd forgotten he remembered until it caught him in the shoulder, the oddly placed box of instant mashed potatoes under the sink that he sort of recalled being from Bro's failed but still completely awesome attempt at Thanksgiving dinner, a broken flower pot on the sidewalk that brought back to mind the crashing sound it made after his downstairs neighbor had knocked it out of their window.

Usually these things were slight annoyances, or bittersweet reminders. The romance novel though, he thought, was a once in an afterlifetime chance to tease the hell out of his deathmate... boyfriend...friendthing...his Tavros, in a whole new way.

He'd said a silent thank you to the frazzled thirty-something year old tenent who he could vaguely remember reading such novels as she waited for her undergarments to finish in the drier, and carried the book back upstairs to put his plan into action.

He held the book up slightly now, like a holy relic that should grace the eyes of every poor soul in its path, and pulled a stool from the kitchen out into the living room, placing it in front of the couch where Tavros sat.

The dead troll stared up at him, blank eyes somehow still curious eyes and full of nervous energy.

"John and I used to do this all the time," Dave explained, taking a seat on the edge of the stool, "When we had assigned reading from school."

Tavros gave him that look that said he didn't quite follow, but nodded anyway.

"Basically you take whatever piece of shit it is you don't want to read, and then make it about ten times more interesting by inserting the names of people you know," Dave continued, idly flipping through the pages of the paperback clasped in his hands.

"Oh. Wow, uhh, that sounds, kind of cool."

Dave wasn't sure how cool it really was- probably not very- but it had gotten him through a lot of boring, and maybe just slightly embarrassingly difficult, reading assignments, "Many a great classic was spawned by this game. I mean- West Side Story starring yours truly as the most badass Jet of them all, John Egbert doing bullshit magic as the boy who lived, Lord of the Incredibly Shitty Swords, John of Green Gables- the list goes on."

Tavros kept nodding as Dave spoke, brow furrowing a bit deeper with every title, "I, uh, I don't think I know...any of those."

"It's a long standing tradition in the Strider-Egbert Brolationship," Dave went on, ignoring Tavros' insight, "And today, you get the privelege of joining the ranks of this fast paced literary bonanza."

The troll's eyes only widened, damn near sparkling in wonder, "Whoa, uhh, really?"

Finally, Dave held up his recently aqcuired book, "Really."

Tavros leaned in close, squinting slightly as he read the curling white font on the cover of the book, "Uh...'Yours Til Morning?'"

Dave dropped the book back down in his lap, effectively putting the title out of Tavros' sight, "I think you mean 'Yours Til the Sun Explodes,' because that's the version we'll be reading today."

"Oh. And who are we putting into it?"

Dave gestured between the two of them, silent.

"Oh. Oh, like, we're the, uh, heroes of the story. Right. I get it, I think. So, uhh, what is it about? And was that a human lady and some, uh, guy in a skirt or something, on the cover of-"

Dave put up a hand, silencing him, "Shh. Story time now."

At that, Tavros pulled himself up into a comfy little ball on the couch so quick, Dave could have sworn he had reverted to being a little kid again. Grub. Whatever.

Dave cleared his throat for effect, opening the book to its first page and glancing over it again. This, he decided, was going to be a masterpiece to beat all those before it. Dave began to read aloud,

"The early morning sunlight over the moors shared its brilliance with every creature it fell upon. Each bird, bee, and flower exalted in its life-giving beauty, but none appreciated its warmth so much as the awkwardly handsome," He didn't skip a beat, changing up the words instantly, "Troll who had stretched himself out on the grass earlier that morning to watch the sun rise. This was fast becoming a ritual for young Tavros Nitram," Dave fought down a smirk at the way Tavros jumped at his name, "Who would rather spend his mornings surrounded by nature than back in his humble village home, hearing yet again how he really ought to-" Here Dave hesitated, just for a heartbeat, but Tavros didn't seem to notice, "Fill his quadrants."

"Whoaa, really?" Tavros interrupted, "Are you just, uh, making that up? Or is it really a book with, uh, I mean, about trolls?"

Dave shushed him again and went on, "With no great desire to be trapped by any man, Tavros was often at odds with his peers, who were all a twitter about the silly nonsense of oh my god this sucks. Who wrote this?" Dave flipped the back cover open quickly, looking down at a tiny black and white picture of the author, a pleasant, dumpy looking woman in her mid 40's, "Theresa Hicksby, huh? Sweet jesus, this is bad."

Tavros sounded only mildly disappointed when he asked, "Is the, uhh, game over then? Or, should I find another book, somewhere, maybe?"

Dave flipped back to the first page, shaking his head, "Nah, I can still work with this. Somehow. I mean, I spun a tale of John hunting ghosts out of fucking, Bridge to Terabithia. I can handle this pile of shit."

Tavros looked slightly doubtful, but remained in his comfy couch position, "If you, uh, say so."

"So anyway, let me try to summarize this a little." Dave began flipping two or three pages at a time, commenting on certain passages as he went, "It looks like the fair Tavros gets the news he's being sent off to live with some jackass who has the hots for his enormous horns, cries about it for about," He flipped an extra chunk of the book out of the way, "Thirty pages. And keeps on moping till- oh, here we go. My introduction." He glanced up quickly, offering up something frighteningly close to a smolder from behind his shades, making Tavros squirm. He looked back down, reading the page at hand with a little more enthusiasm, "The mysterious man approached Tavros, dropped satchel in hand, and the troll could hardly help but notice that he was not just handsome, but really quite stunning. His flaxen hair shone against the dank market's whirlwind of dust, the glint of his shades a sight to behold. He came as close to Tavros as could possibly be considered appropriate and held up the satchel, saying simply 'Sup.'"

Without quite realizing, Tavros had been leaning slightly closer all the while Dave was reading, becoming more and more intrigued by the story at hand. At that last line though, he sat back again, "That, uh, doesn't sound like it fits with, the rest of the story, Dave."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just reading this so we can get to the good bit. Which should be right about-" He flipped the page, stared down at what looked like a mile of dialogue. "Huh." He flipped another page, skimming along to the next, then the next, and the next, until, to his dismay, his character waltzed right back out of the book, promising the beautiful Tavros that he would return soon. No wild sex in the grass, no steamy kiss, not even an exchange of significant glances.

"Uh...what? Did it get, sort of, really awful again?"

"Just have to find the right parts. Most of this is gag worthy."

Dave kept flipping until he hit a passage about heaving chests, "Alright, let's try this again. Blah blah, dazzling sunset, gently lapping waves, and...'Surely this was meant to be,' Tavros sighed, nestling his head into the crook of Dave's neck. 'I don't know about fate,' Dave said softly, 'But I know that I love you.'"

"Dave that is, uh, that's really beautiful."

Dave flicked his gaze up to stare at Tavros, at the light blush tinting his cheeks, "Tav, you know I'm just reading out of the book, right?"

The blush only darkened as Tavros tipped his head slightly, embarrassed, "I...I know. I'm just saying, it is sort of, uh, sweet."

Dave snorted lightly, "I guess. Oh jeez, if you liked that you're going to love this. 'But what of my position at the manor? The duke is hardly willing to set me free, certainly not for love.' Tavros stared out at the sea with tears in his eyes, hands clasped to his chest. Dave took those hands in his, holding them delicately, and when the troll turned back to face him, he kissed his cheek softly, 'No one man can keep me from you,' he whispered, 'No walls can divide us. Not skin or stone, or death itself, could stop my love for you.'"

Dave looked up from the book, straight faced as ever, and sure enough, Tavros looked about ready to burst from the overload of emotion. His fangs were on full display, a doofy grin overtaking his face as he blushed from sheer giddiness. For a moment Dave thought he might just jump off the couch and hug him, but thankfully he stayed put. A hug at this angle would most likely knock him off his stool.

"Yeah, I uh, I did like that. A lot, actually."

"It's cheesy as hell and doesn't really make sense."

"Yeah but, I mean, it's still a really, uh, nice sentiment," The troll shifted in his seat, rearranging his legs to fold one in front of the other, "I know it's just from, uh, a stupid book but, I like to think that, maybe, if I were taken away by, a uh, a whatever that guy in the story is, that you, well, would maybe come to, uh, find me."

Dave quirked an eyebrow at him, "Dude, you know I'd hunt your ass down."

Tavros beamed at him, swaying slightly on the couch in a miniature happy dance, "And, uh, you would clasp my hand all, um, dramatically and, and tell me how much you cared about me?"

It was a good thing he broke into snickers after that, otherwise Dave might have had to reach over and smack him with the book to make him stop spouting embarrassing romantic garbage like that.

After a few moments of shared amusement, Dave spoke up, "Alright, calm down. We're still not at the good bit."

Tavros blinked at him, still looking a bit giggly and dreamy from the sudden bit of lovey nonsense, "Oh yeah? What's uh, the good bit about?"

"You'll see."

Dave flipped past every page of soothing ponds and rustling leaves, skipping over tearful arguments and a fairly confusing ballroom dance scene until he finally stumbled into a paragraph that looked promising. Starry night sky? Check. Straining bodice? Check. Unsuspecting Tavros? Check.

"Here it is," Dave glanced over a passage describing some seriously throbbing manhood, "Knew there had to be something good in here," He began to read, "Dave gazed down at the troll beneath him, sliding his hand over Tavros' shoulder, making him shiver and arch. Tavros let that hand wander, not daring to stop it as it inched toward his chest."

"Whoa."

"'Do you feel it, Tavros?' he asked, 'That craving? That burning deep inside?'"

"Uh...whoa. Wow, okay, Dave, this is getting, uh, a little bit...much."

Dave looked up from his reading and couldn't help but smirk a little at the blush that was overtaking Tavros' face like a rust-colored oil spill into a sea of grey. Surely it was the most adorable sort of industrial disaster, without any penguins getting hurt or anything.

"Yeah, no, Dave, I really don't think this game needs to, uh, continue, since-"

Dave cut him off, turning his attention back to the book, "Tavros gasped, nipples already as ripe as berries waiting to be-"

Tavros made a squeaking noise of protest, choking on a collection of words that would have been massacered by an attack of stuttering anyway.

"Shit, you're right," Dave didn't even look up, tipping his face closer in toward the pages of the book, as if reading more closely, "You don't have nipples. Well fuck. Alright, change of plans."

Tavros swallowed, nearly taking his whole tongue down his throat in the process, "Actually, I uh, I was going to, to say that, uh, you should just-"

"No, no, I got this bro, turning this story on it's ass, right here," Dave cleared his throat again, starting the passage over, "_Dave_ gasped, nipples already as ripe as berries waiting to be touched and tasted." Years of practice helped him keep his face impassive, looking for all the world like he was reading the building instructions for a crappy desk from Ikea rather than speaking about himself in the third person by way of a shitty romance novel. He didn't need to look up to know that Tavros was pulling a classic deer in the headlights stare, but he did anyway. He met the troll's gaze from behind his shades, looked back down to the book in his hands, skimming along till he found only the most awful descriptions, "Tavros shuddered against his throat, fingers gliding over the wool of his- whoa, okay, I don't wear stockings."

Despite his obvious embarrassment, Tavros snickered a little, "Uh, okay, that is probably, or, definitely enough now Dave."

"Dave moaned and writhed beneath the young troll's petting, shameless in how hot he burned for another caress," It was actually a little hard not to snort at that, since Dave knew for sure he wasn't capable of _writhing_, " 'What do you want, Dave?' The handsome troll asked softly. 'You,' Dave whispered, and drew him down to meet his lips," Dave paused a moment, wetting his lips with the tip of his tongue for reasons that were aboslutely all about his mouth getting dry as he read and not at all about anything else, "It was the sweetest kiss Dave had ever known as Tavros held nothing back, sweeping his tongue through his mouth, igniting a fire so sick, it burned them both up from the soul outward."

"I am pretty sure you're, uh, making this up completely now," Tavros dared to lean closer, trying to look at the pages of the book upside down.

Dave tipped the book upright, keeping it out of the troll's sight, "Stop interrupting Tav, it's rude. Anyway, on with the tale of passion-"

"But I uh, I really don't want to hear anymore-"

"The brave, confident troll tipped his human companion onto the dewy meadow grass, kissing down the sensitive skin of his throat-" Dave looked up pointedly, actually allowing his shades to tip down slightly and reveal just how deadly serious his eyes were, "And NOT biting too hard like a total jackoff."

Tavros looked appropriately chagrined at that, and kept his mouth shut, being hot and uncomfortable in silence.

Dave slipped his shades back up into place and resumed reading, "The pair moved together in a perverse dance and...oh, they're talking again. The fuck? Who talks about the state of the kingdom or whatever while they're getting their rocks off?" He rolled his eyes and skimmed along through paragraphs of flowery prose, "Blah blah, sweet nothings, can't believe I almost lost you, honeyed kisses and bullshit..." He sighed, long and drawn out, until he found another passage of interest, "Ah, here- Dave moaned as his body shuddered around the probing thickness of his finger, a wanton thing-"

"You know it's, uh, it's actually pretty weird that you're, um, talking about yourself, like this."

"Shut up, you like it." Obviously. "Tavros added another finger to his exploration, stretching him- shit, this is actually pretty graphic for a chick book, gogdamn."

"Yeah, it, uh, it is, so maybe you can stop now? Like, seriously?"

Dave looked up at him, faking the slightest of disappointed frowns, "But we were just getting to the bit where I whimper and cry brokenly in primal ecstacy and then offer you a blowjob."

And while Tavros did take a moment to look like he'd swallowed a live goldfish, Dave had to commend him on a relatively quick recovery, "Uh...that's uh, unnecessary, I think."

"Well, alright, technically it says in here that I brush my quivering fingers against your bulge and ask if I might be able to return the favor, but you know where that's leading."

"Dave, it is really, sort of, kind of actually scaring me how you're able to do this. I mean, without even, uhh, looking uncomfortable."

While he did mess with Tavros on a daily basis, Dave didn't quite have it in him to straight up lie to the guy, "Man, this shit is giving me all kinds of mental images I don't want. Never in my life have I ever thought I'd have to consider what I'd look like in a garter, but there it is. Stuck in my skull forever. Seared right the fuck in." He shrugged, a casual roll of the shoulders that spoke volumes of practiced cool, "But you know what you do? Internalize. You keep all that uncomfortable shit inside."

Tavros frowned at that, still looking embarrassed but now a little more annoyed, probably at Dave's blatant disregard for his own emotions. But before he could mouth off, as kindly and gently as possible, about how that wasn't especially healthy, Dave was grinning a wicked smile. One that, of course, went completely unnoticed by Tavros, as it came and went so fast it might as well have never been there at all.

"Look, there's only one other sexy scene in this trainwreck, okay? Suffer through it with me?"

Tavros could hardly deny his favorite expired human, and so after a moment of hesitation he settled back into his seat on the couch, clasping his hands in his lap awkwardly, "Uh, fine, I guess. Just this last one."

"As I was saying," Dave read the words on the page over quickly, the slightest bit of color rising to his cheeks before he said them aloud, "Wrapping his legs around him, Dave climbed up astride Tavros, impaling himself on the rigid length of his staff-"

"Staff?"

"Yeah, staff. It's a word for your bulge."

Tavros snapped his mouth shut before he could ask another question, face splotching orange all over.

"Trembling with emotion they gazed into each other's eyes, moving as one until Dave reached a hand out, brushing the troll's shoulder, stilling his movements, 'Wait,' he said, breathless, and looked to the corner, where a pristine bucket waited-"

"Whoa, wait, uh, what? No, that's, that is definitely, uhh, you're just, teasing me now," Tavros squirmed in his seat, looking like he wanted nothing more than to get up and run as soon as possible.

"I've been teasing you this whole time," Dave pointed out, and made to start reading again, "A shining bucket, untouched by-"

"Uh, but uh..."

Dave sighed and stopped, looking up at Tavros in exasperation.

The troll hung his head a little, embarrassed, "I know you're teasing, but, uh, now you're being really...really bad." He wore the expression of an alter boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar of satan and Dave almost wanted to laugh.

"Seriously? God, trolls and your weird bucket shit." He shook his head, folding the book in his hands closed, "I read you the saga of our hot and heavy lovin' and you barely bat an eyelash any time I pull some breathy, moaning shit, but as soon as I mention a bucket you call foul."

Tavros frowned, looking almost pained at another use of the taboo word, "Uh, well...it is kind of, a big deal. You, uh, you know that."

Dave nodded grudgingly, almost sickened by his own knowledge of troll culture. Never had he planned on being so well informed and understanding. But here he was, actually cutting his shenanigans short just because Tavros was about to pop a boner over some cleaning supplies, "Yeah, I know."

"And, also, I guess, you actually do some, uhh, breathy, moaning kind of, um, things, sometimes. Which makes it not so weird to, uh, hear."

Dave very nearly lost his cool at that. Very, very nearly.

"I do _not_ do breathymoany shit."

He hadn't thought it was possible for Tavros to look condescening but he was coming damn close with the tiny little smug smile he had sneaking into place, "Uh, Dave. Really. We, uhh, we've been pretty close. And I am pretty sure I know what I've heard."

Dave pursed his lips ever so slightly, just a bit perturbed, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well okay, sure, I make some fucking noise but it's not like girly whimpering or anything."

"I, uh, I never said it was."

"Damn right you didn't."

He flicked his gaze back down to the book before snapping it open and shut in one swift motion, irritated, "And then the sun exploded and they all died. The end."

"Aw, don't be like that."

"Like what?" Dave tossed the book onto the coffee table and walked around to drop himself down on the opposite side of the couch from Tavros.

"Like...all, uh, what's the phrase?"

"Bent out of shape?"

"Yes. Like, like that exactly."

"I'm not bent out of shape. I'm totally in shape. Couldn't be more in shape if I was swimming the English Channel."

"Alright. I won't push the, uh, the matter of your shape." Tavros sighed, resigned, "But can I, um, move closer to you? Maybe?"

Dave shrugged his shoulders, like he didn't care one way or the other, like he wasn't at all bent out of shape at his own plan backfiring and embarrassing him.

Tavros scooted his way over to Dave, mindful of his horns as he manuevered into a comfortable position, pressing shoulder to shoulder, "Maybe, uh, maybe I could try, telling a story? To make up for that other one ending so, um, abruptly?"

Dave snorted at the mere thought of Tavros trying to tell a story, but shrugged again nonetheless, "Knock yourself out."

He trusted that by this point, Tavros knew enough to realize that he didn't meant that literally.

"Well I'll, uh, I'll give it a try, at least." He hesitated a moment, staring off ahead as he contemplated whatever story was unfolding in his crazy horned head.

"So, once upon a time, I guess, there was a really nice, and, um, attractive guy who liked to pretend to be, well, kind of a jerk."

Dave turned to stare at him, expression blank.

"And one day, he uh, he died somehow, which was pretty sad for, uh, a lot of people."

"Wow, going for the feel good book the year, aren't you?"

Tavros glanced back at him, shoulders slumping slightly, "Well I, uh, I'm only getting started."

Dave sighed and waved him on, "Fine. Go ahead and drag out my tale of pain and woe."

"Okay, I will." If Tavros' stupid fanged grin hadn't grown on him so much, Dave would have punched him right about then, "So, this guy that died, uh, I guess I should mention his name was Dave, shouldn't I?"

"That'd help."

"Okay, well, his name was Dave. Dave Strider, to uh, to be exact. And after he died, he somehow went to a, um, an afterlife in a sort of bubble thing, which I've never really understood, but, I guess that's just how it works."

"Tav, I'm sorry, but you're murdering this. Like, with a blunt axe."

"I, uh, I haven't even gotten to the good part."

And damned if that smile hadn't turned a little bit flirtacious. Or, whatever qualified as flirtacious when it came to painfully awkward guys from different planets.

"Dazzle me then."

"Anyway, um, so Dave got put in a bubble, and he was okay enough there I guess, but one day, a magical fairy troll came to visit him-"

"Hold up, are you talking about Aradia? Seriously? A _magical fairy_?"

Tavros flushed, stammering uselessly for a moment before just jumping over Dave's question and continuing with his tale, "And uh, that fairy brought with her a, um, a troll who really just, sort of wanted to meet Dave, since he knew he was a, uh, a cool guy."

"Clearly."

"And, uh, the two of them started living together and, became really good friends." Apparently Tavros' request to get close was actually intended as a request to put an arm around Dave and squish him to his side, since that was exactly what he was doing. Dave was suddenly cuddled so close that his shades had gone askew, and he had to quickly reach up and fix them.

"Chill dude, you haven't even gotten to the part where we vomit affection at each other."

"Uh, no, that comes next. Well, without actual vomit. But uh, yeah, affection comes after some, well, really frustrating stuff where you- er, where Dave was sort of not willing to, uh, get in touch with his feelings. And the troll, who is, I guess me, that is, Tavros, had to be really patient and, uh, wait for Dave to, um, admit his...his feelings."

Dave frowned, cheeks feeling a few degrees hotter than he liked them, "Yeah I know the story of our unbearably awkward stage, get on with it."

"Okay, okay, getting on with it- uhh, then comes, um, the part where everything turned out okay. Dave and Tavros explored their, uh, feelings, and didn't even have to sit in a, uh, pile to do it-"

"What?"

"Unless you count a pile of, well, limbs, since we have done, uhh, a lot of that. Usually after, um, some other activities that I, uh, don't really want to mention too explicitly."

Dave bit his lower lip, wanting to clarify on those activities for him, to make Tavros stop telling his story and start stammering instead, but just not finding it in himself. He slumped against the troll's side, nearly toppling over into him but managing to stay at about a fifty degree angle from sheer willpower.

"And, uh, and then I guess they decided that they were boyfriends, which is a thing that earth males are when they, um, have really strong feelings for each other." He took in a breath, holding it so his cheeks puffed out a little and, for once, his fangs were hidden. Then he breathed out a sigh, "And to finish I guess it's sort of, uh, to be continued?"

That hung in the air for a bit.

Finally, Dave scoffed out a laugh, squirming and turning over slightly so he could sprawl himself across Tavros' lap. He stared up at the troll lazily, "That's got to be the corniest ending ever. Like one of those movies that's begging for a sequel but you know no one's gonna put up the money for it 'cause it totally bombed in the box office."

Tavros put out a hand to pet his hair gently, gently-gently like he might actually press too hard and hurt him, "That's okay. It's just a, uh, a story for you anyway."

Dave relaxed under the touch, rolling his eyes before closing them, "You're such a sap."

"I know..."

"You know what's even sappier and cornier though?"

"Uh, no. what?"

Dave opened his eyes again, meeting Tavros' focused, fascinated stare, "Ending it with a kiss."

Dave reached up, tucked a hand behind Tavros' right horn, and pulled him down to do just that.


End file.
